An Open Letter to A.K. Vogel

For people outside of my family and Knoxville, A.K. Vogel is a premier photographer and friend of mine. She has been kind enough to take our family portraits for the last two years. To see her work and find out more about her, visit her website at www.akvogel.com.)

Dear A.K.,

It was great to see you two weeks ago for our photo shoot. I tried to warn you about Davis, and I know that you didn’t believe me. After all, he was a live wire last year, and you somehow managed to produce pictures that brought my family to tears with their loveliness. Those pictures were wonderful, and I hardly expected you to pull a rabbit out of your hat two years in a row.

I guess you began to believe me when Davis started spitting at you and your very very very nice camera. I really appreciated how athletic you were as you chased him down the steep hill toward the river. You tried every trick you knew to get him to cooperate. I tried to kill him until Scott, ever the calm one, stopped me. As I told you in the many subsequent emails, I cried when we left. Davis received the fullest-extent-of-the-law punishment for his behavior. I whined to my sister and mom about how bad he was. I felt sorry for myself that I wouldn’t be able to put my new family portrait on the wall. (And I had the frame ready!) Everyone close to me had to hear the story of the ruined portrait session ad nauseum.

Then you went and made an absolute liar and fool out of me.

You produced this:




















And this:














And this:














And this (Katie was an angel for almost all of the evening, but still, this is magical.)














My family and friends defended Davis, saying that obviously he couldn’t have been THAT bad, because the pictures they saw were all great. They all accused me of *gasp* over-reacting and being a tad histrionic. (Me? Never!) Davis went down as the most abused and maligned child of all time with his cruel mother who talked about him so badly. But you and I KNOW what really happened, A.K. And just so the world will appreciate just what an amazing job you did, here are the photos titled “what really went down that day”!







You can't see me!








Like I said, Davis is the only person who has received this look from me and lived to tell about it.
















Will. Not. Smile.












And the one that just sums it all up:




No preschoolers were harmed in the making of this photo.















A.K., you are truly a miracle worker. Or a graduate of the Hogwarts School of Photography. We gave you the worst of lemons and you made lemonade. For the beautiful pictures that make us look almost normal AND the ones that represent more of our true selves, thank you from the bottom of my evil little heart!

Love, Vaiden